And maybe, at some point, you’ve seen that I’ve liked said meme. I like a lot of memes. Liking is caring, whether it’s a thumbs up, a double tap, or a press and hold. It does not, however, mean that I want that shit to be enacted upon me. Please don’t spring a bookstore trip on me. Not as a date, not as an adventure, not as a last-minute hang. I love books. I love bookstores. I think they’re great. I like to decide when I’m going. I know I sit in a place of privilege when it comes to books — I buy my own and I have a problem. Like…a serious problem. According to my Libib account, I have 614 books scanned into my “physical-to-read-shelf” library. I might be behind on moving or removing some titles, but not by much. My Kindle library boasts 2145 unread books (and eARCs). I don’t even know how many physical ARCs I have, because I can’t scan them into Libib and I gave up on keeping a spreadsheet sometime in 2018. And my Goodreads “want-to-read” shelf? I can’t keep it below 4500 books. I don’t need any more books, but I continue to buy them for myself, because I just. Can’t. Stop. I might go long periods where I don’t even read anything I own, instead adding things to my library holds list and falling under a pile when they all decide to come in at once. And then I realize I have been ridiculous and pick up one thing. Just one thing! That I own. And the cycle begins again. I just went on two separate trips to the Barnes and Noble less than a mile away from my house — the first trip was for “research” and the second because I forgot to get something while I was there the last time. And we know when you “forget” you end up remembering another five things you were going to get. So let’s review: 4732. (And climbing.) 614. 2145. Arbitrary numbers to you, a point of anxiety for me. I’m book-full. Don’t get me wrong! If you say “hey do you want to visit [insert local or used bookstore or even B-word bookstore]” I will probably say yes. Because I can’t help myself. Or I might think of the number of trips I’ve made to one in the past month, compare it to how much money I still need to spend on food for the rest of the month, and then I’ll say yes. But I might find myself wandering said bookstore for hours, lost in decision. Because I might be thinking of something I’d intended to buy (I have multiple lists around specifically about what I should look for next time I’m in a bookstore). Or I might just be arbitrarily looking around, at which point, once the seal is broken…yeah, there’s a reason I have to look at how much food I need to buy. At one point, anytime a friend wanted to go to a specific indie bookstore, I would just buy notebooks. (I have too many of those, too, but it’s not as noticeable.) But Jess, you might say — what if someone wants to buy the books for you? Then I would say — don’t say shit like that! People can hear you! I have horrendous stage fright when it comes to someone taking me somewhere and saying “get what you want; I’ll pay.” I’m that person who looks up a menu for a new restaurant, or makes sure I know exactly where I’m going if I’m heading to a new shop or an area where I need to park. And in bookstores — that freezing I mentioned before? Tenfold. What are book? Author names? How does the alphabet go? Where’s the nonfiction section? Don’t think it’ll be fun to go to a place where we’ll be surrounded by the thing I love but which I literally cannot approach without a strategic process, especially if I’m going to be spending someone else’s money. I am not a Supermarket Sweep kind of person at the bookstore, even with carte blanche. I have to be meticulous lest I come home with something I absolutely did not intend to get and definitely do not want. I have to do enough weeding with my own collection (how do you think I got it down to 607?). There’s no need to add a pile of books that will sit until I decide to take them to my local Used. So yeah, I love books. A little too much. And I’ll go to a bookstore when I damn well please. (I once was talking to a friend at a wedding, who was telling a story in which someone said “I just want to live to read all the books I own.” I think about that statement a lot. I’m not going to make it.) Therefore: please, please, for the love of god: buy me something that can be consumed immediately. I’ll drink it, I’ll eat it, I’ll watch it. But I will not — not — put it on my shelf.
